Lamanyerrrrr

Alahai, lamanye tak update blog hahahahah asyik sibuk baca yg org punya sendiri terlupa. A lot of things has happened. Forgive, forgot, tantrum bla bla bla...

Saira is already 14 mths old and she has just started walking ehhehe a bit late this one =p but she is soooooooooo adorable. So far, everytime i am upset or crossed or feeling down, she is there to cheer me up! The other two???? eiiiii... sakit jiwa hahahahahahaa

I am extremely sensitive now. Probably the age factor??? U never know! Tapi yg pasti I am tired. It has been 8 yrs since i have been here and nearly 7 yrs as a mother.... Sumer org yg baru menjadi ibu or after 5yrs sumer pergi bercuti, or have a girly nite, or pergi mengurut etc...me??? Bukan nk merungut tapi, i am tired... Just nk rehat, as in sleep??? or have a good massage pun dah cukup. I doubt my hse will look tidy and nice anymore with three small girls. So if only Haniff lets me go somewhr to relax for couple of days...

So, how to make myself happy and tak pk mende2 yg definitely memurungkan I joined a cake class again. This time using sugar paste... Need to find another project soon, if not i am down to tht road again.... I just want to be in my safe cocoon....

Beciiiii

Aduiiii..tak suke la gini.. dah kawin 7 tahun still tak paham2 lagi ker?? asyik nk ikut mood dia je.. aku lak asyik cuba nk faham je... nk jadi baik mmg susah!!!! nak jadi bini mithali lagi susah =(

Nur Saira Haniff James nama diberi.... dilahirkan pada 5hb Jan 2010 jam 0937am di Stokemandeville... she is gorgeous, absolutely mesmerizing and so far soooo good... hope she will continue to be the one to calm me down hehehe

Iman is hard to control nowadays...she is only 5yrs old but reaching to the age whr u cannot tell her wht to do and keep on answering back Grrrrrrrrr.....

Alisya huhuhhuh still the same.. sweet but lethal! hahahaah

Latest Additions

Its been so long since i updated this blog. Malas, is the word. Bz, would probably be one of my lame excuses. So here i am again to do wht i was supposed to do, plus i am trying to improve something with my life.
Ok, Iman has already begun her life as a student hehehe pupil, more like it at her school. she loves it. she makes new friends. no, no bf still though some of her friend's mum said she is pretty and beautiful but she is still a kid so everyone looks adorable and cute whn they r small, rn't they. so every morning i wake up, make breakfast and send her to school with Alisya.
Alisya ada bf. potong jalan kakak dia.ngade2...independent tuh! kadang2 rase nk gigit2 je dia tuh.Haniff putus angin dah nk marah ke dia, tak makan saman hehehe
Pastu birthday dia baru ni, kami baru dpt tahu yg kami termengandung huhuhuhu baru je ingat blk nk g mancing,makan mende mengarut2 skit hehehe takpe la, kena la tunggu next time pulok. Nk kata apa, perancang keluarga dah guna tapi tersangkut jugak. ini menunjukkan takde bende yg boleh diharapkan ehhehe MIL??? tak ckp congrats pun. tak puah ati gamoknya ehheeheh nk buat guane....
Oh ye, kabor ke parent kat m'sia. diaorg kata "kena mari pulok!" due bulan January heheheh lagi la, sejuk weh!

Baru2 nih wak acara mendebarkan. masa ngan iman dulu tak tergamak, so she is making most of it now. With Alisya i went sledging heeheh so with this baby, i went for Race4Life... it was hot,humid and i feel good doing it. Wht do i hope for with this baby? Tht this family will grow stronger and better... insya-Allah.

Losing it...

with my blog title, it seems unreal..... sukesokmo whn in reality i am totally messed up.... i admit i am losing it this time. i will need time to heal. so powerful and so real. y is tht? never in my entire life felt this way and i dun like it. it is just too strong. believing wht i am not....i have to stop thinking. reality reality reality everything seems cloudier and messier... need a break. need to run away from everyone......until i am calm down and back on the ground....... i am sorry baby, i am losing it....

sadness in my heart

tak tahu nk start kat mane... dah dekat 6 tahun kawin takkan tak paham2 lagi... i tried my best... to be a good wife, a good mum and most of all, the good daughter in law. never in her eyes i was good enuff. wht did i do wrong? falling in love with her son i guess. can't be something else. haniff converted as a muslim on his own. i did nothing to encourage him. i was never even sure it would be like this. my life from so mixed up to further mixed up. i didn't even have the heart to tell him b4 he left back tht i will be waiting coz i was still in dilemma with my ex.tapi Allah swt maha kaya, sembahyang istikarah berpuluh kali, tanpa niat untuk dijodohkan ngan saper2 he is the one for me. alhamdulillah. sepanjang tempoh berkawan tak pernah sentuh mende2 haram. he said he told his mom he wants to marry me, and thts it..... wht he didn't say is tht he is going to convert....

now, for 6 yrs, with two beautiful girls and lovely home in a different country, culture and so far away from everything i love.... i am not happy. will it ever end? i doubt it. i'm not perfect. heck, i dun even know wht will i turn out to be as a mother in law, or as an old woman myself. life must be hard on her but tht is not the reason to be so bitchy. she is in favor now and tht is wht she wants. but pls, have all u want but stay away from my marriage. i love my husband. shld i answer back? shld i tell her enuff is enuff with this mind game? wht is not meant to be is not meant to be.....

dear heart, have mercy. have a soul to be strong and brave....

Update

Lama nya tak update mende alah nih...Malas la weh.... first Adilah dtg, bwk byk serai!!! suke hati aku hehehe pastu dia bwk skit daun kesum jadi la nk belajo masak asam pedas johor sbb mak mertua ni org johor. then daddy masuk spital sbb blood pressure tinggi then jantung dia etc. sumer blk except aku... :-( as it happen it was my birthday jugak. wht to do. i choose this life, well.. jodoh actually tapi ini lah, takleh nk blk kalu parent sakit. dipendekkan citer, Adilah duk seminggu, then kemas2 umah lebih kurang then now cuti sekolah Easter 2 minggu. nk buat ape ek? so far tak de mende2 hehehe kurung budak2 dlm umah. tensen diaorg. at least iman dah ada kawan eventhough adik dia duh suke yg amat buli dia.
Mummy rang up. Perlukan bantuan kecemasan. Aku duk sini tak keje. Nk libatkan Haniff, terpaksa. He didn't know wht sort of problem he is asking whn he entered the family. Nampak gayanya next year tak blk la aku for Anjang wedding. Need to find the $ a.s.a.p tak nk la aku skali org terjumpa mende bukan2. na'uzubillah! sepanjang hidup aku, parent always susah, naper ek???? maybe Allah swt nk uji kami dgn ujian yg lebih dgn harapan keimanan kami semakin kuat. byk mende aku nk luahkan tapi rasenya baik atas sekeping kertas dari sini...

oh ye, sblm tuh aku rase nk lepaskan geram kat MIL sbb dia aku gaduh ngan mak sedara haniff and anak sedara dia. Now she is very happy sbb she is in favor! bangsa nk cari perhatian!!!! she doesn't have to do tht to make her feel wanted but there u go. bila kita tua nanti kita tak tahu kita camne so.....

my parent

hmm... daddy rang me earlier. first he was talkative then he pause for a while. asked him y and he said he is a bit down. oh NO! my dad is down? wht the problem??? well, he was a bt upset with mummy plus with the recent business prolem. well, i let him talk obviously and he goes bla this, bla tht and this and tht and this and tht again. seriously after 37yrs of marriage they still cannot see eye to eye hehehe bless them.
mummy? well, i rang her this morning. she went to IKEA with angah,erre and anjang with Mia B. they bought a sofa and thought it would nice to give her as birthday present. heheeh funny coz i dun know anything abt it but i would still contribute as i am very obedient and very good daughter hahahah anyway back to the sofa, they said it looks like mine but not as nice as mine. its blue but not as blue as mine. in other word, it is not mine. the similarity of them is tht they both come from IKEA hehehe...

aaahhh... so stress... haniff is lip-bit tight now. not sure y? am i being too bossy??? me? but all i ask "if he is not well, dun go to work". "if u r feeling sleepy, go to bed". "can u change the children please". "i dun feel well, can u take over please"...... OH NOOOOOOOOOOO not one of those wives!!!! isk isk isk